(Huh-huh, I said “a-whole”, huh-huh-huh.)
First off, thank you to the two people that liked my previous entry. I’m sure there was a third user, but they probably retracted after reading this entry. No apologies!
This entry was meant to be published 10 days ago, but then I got sidetracked by the this and that of life and, sadly, none of it involved being a dominatrix to Sidney Crosby. Or, should I say, two-time Stanley Cup Champion Sidney Crosby. Yaaasss, that sounds better.
Now, when I originally started writing this entry, I had a bad cold then. I think I’m much better off with what I’m currently having over a runny nose. (Hint: she’s an aunt, and she makes me crankier than usual when she comes to my town.) I’m also on a nice weed high right now, so if I say something out-of-the-ordinary here, screenshot it right away, because I may look back at this entry, see my weed-influenced gibberish, and delete it, while knowing someone out there has proof that I’ve gone off the rails.
Going back to sports…um, Warriors. Yeah. Thank goodness they’re not the team I truly root for because it must have sucked ass to have been a die-hard Dubs fan this past Sunday. What the eff was that in that Game 7? History was truly made that day, that’s for sure. Moments like that is where I realize that “rooting” (albeit less than half-heartedly) for a trainwreck team like the Lakers is a little more fun and less pressure than the Warriors. That being said, the purple-and-gold have long ways to go before I start watching their games again. They can start by having their new coach Luke Walton do a striptease to a Prince song. (Seriously, he’s the handsomest thing going on in the NBA right now.)
Look who has returned to baseball! Dude was, eh, OK in his first game. But it was the Athletics, after all. I watched his second game earlier today and dude sucked. And by the same team he beat last week! Welcome back, anyway, Timmy.
It’s weird to see former crushes spoil on me long after I rode them in my dreams. There’s Timmy, who’s still working things out but I’m glad to see working again–even if it’s for another team than my Giants. There’s Ben Affleck, who recently said this shit on TV. There’s Adrien Brody, who also said some crap that’s actually worse than what Ben said. And then there’s Johnny Depp, whose alleged antics (no link, just Google his name along with his soon-to-be ex-wife and the word “abuse”) has me shaking my damn head and then some. What the effing-eff happened to you, Johnny??? Before this, the worst thing that happened to him was his middle-age crisis that 180-ed him from total hottie to bloated toad bastard. The shit he’s being accused of is just shameful. I will say that, throughout the whole Johnny mess, I do feel for his scarves. To be wrapped around his stench of God-knows-what everyday is kind of a form of abuse to fabric, if you look at it.
How I see online posts where almost every comment in a thread has the word “awesome” in it:
(Same thing when I see commercial after commercial with people looking at their damn cell phones and it’s not even a cell phone ad.)
I swear, I saw that damn word a lot on one website a while back and it hurt my eyes. It made me want to deliver a thesaurus to all those posters by throwing it at their damn limited vocabulary heads. Now that would be a…mazing. (Some people say “amazing” is overused. Bitches, that other “A” word is more overused! And I’m not talking about “anal” though I wish I was!)
One thing I love about June: the semi-annual sale that’s happening now at Bath and Body Works! And they brought back one of my favorite scents, Country Apple! And it’s in the 75% off bins! I also discovered how great the Freesia scent is. I like it the most in body wash form, but I use it as bubble bath. And, my gawd, my bath water smells like spaaaaa heaven, mawma. *tongue-pops* If only I had a jacuzzi tub over a regular-ass bathtub, the bathing experience would be a whole lot better. That and having this one stud (whoever he is) in my tub.
Victoria’s Secret also has their semi-annual sale going on. I set foot in their stores twice a year, and that’s only when that sale is happening. (Note: that’s also how often I set foot in malls in general. Malls suck these days.) Is it just me or are their clothes becoming more pedestrian than before? Oh, look–tie-dye tights and poodle prints on panties. And this isn’t their childish Pink line. Then there’s their new scents, some of which remind me of the $5 perfumes I see sold at Fry’s Electronics. Goodness, VS. You went from Tyra and Helena and Love Spell and silk robes to Instagram dead-eyed chicks and Sheer Cotton Candy Goddess and THIS SHIT. And don’t get me started on the grown-ass women that wear that stuff.
I hate you so much, laptop keyboard. My “T” and “U” keys sometimes get stuck, and it’s been this way for weeks. I feel like I have to press hard on the keys for the letter to register. I also hate how I haven’t had any time to fix this issue.
I’m starting to dislike driving. (Shocker!) Maybe it’s because, like my reason over why I don’t go out to malls and shopping centers as often as I used to, I’m encountering more idiots on the road. The ones that don’t signal. The ones that think they’re auditioning for a Fast and Furious movie. The slow-ass ones. The ones with stupid bumper stickers on their cars. It’s not me getting grumpier over life; it’s others that are getting dumber and not doing a thing about it. Anyways, time to invest in a helicopter. Or whore myself out as a webcam girl. I hear they make $3Ks a month!!!
Everything I need to know about sperm, I learned on this RuPaul Drag Race Reddit thread. Being the RPDR whore I can be, I’ve been following that Reddit board a few months after discovering it. I have no intention of posting there, though; that’s one more damn forum to worry about.
By the way, it looks like there’s a Reddit for almost anything, is there? A Reddit for bunnies, a Reddit for SF Giants stuff, and a Reddit for pale white girl porn. (Yes, it exists.)
And, finally, let’s celebrate the 20th anniversary of this dance. You’re a true 90s kid if you remember doing this dance to the point of pure annoyance in the summer of ’96!
Am I wrong for wanting some of the clothes I see in this GIF? Nope, not at all.