Just in time for Valentine’s Day this year: a brand-spanking new crush object for me!
Adore Delano, drag queen extraordinaire/Season 6 runner-up queen of “RuPaul’s Drag Race”/the fantasy in my head while I hump my pillow tonight! She’s the reason why I’m firing up the YouTube lately to go watch Season 6 episodes (before they get rudely taken down) of RPDR and I cannot get enough of her. And him. I mean, look at him! If you’re not fanning yourself after seeing that adorable mug of his, then you must think Justin Beaver is sexy (boooo you!).
It’s been two years since Season 6 of RPDR, and I’m just now catching up on some of its episodes. But I first caught Adore, not from watching her, but on Dlisted, when she was the header pic of her Birthday Sluts thread two years ago. (And hahahahaha on that poster who called her “Ronald McDonald’s daughter.” That shit still cracks me up.) Nearly a year later, she did a guest spot on a special episode for Season 7, and that was where I got a good whiff of her. (But not her tights, thankfully.) Girlie was rocking some glamorous goth shit and there was something about her that screamed ditz. In the good, Kelly Bundy way. I’ve come to the conclusion that pretty much everything that comes out of her mouth is GIF-worthy and should be etched into marble and displayed in a museum. To wit:
And, of course…
As I am with all drag queens, I’m always in admiration over a guy who has better makeup and wig skills than this chick who’s happy with her discount-bin Party City wigs and wearing her $1 NYC lipstick and nothing more, thank you very much. But when I see some of them out of their drag, some of them get me hot. There was Violet Chachki and Pearl before, and now there’s Adore. Oh my gaaaawwwwddd, what I would give to experience those pretty, pretty lips of his…
And yet I’m more likely to whore around with the married star athlete Jacob DeGrom as opposed to La Delano because, sadly, those pretty, pretty lips of his don’t swing my way. Must this be the story of my life? The guys I want are either taken, unattainable, or gay. If this shit isn’t included under the definition of “sexual frustration”, it should be.
Underneath the fierce bitchiness that gets me grinning is a vulnerable side that makes me want to hold her and nurture her. (Yes, I said nurture. This bitch has that side, too.) I’ve seen two episodes where she gets emotional and…wait, hold up…she was in the bottom two at one point?!? Ugh, thank goodness the judges wised up and saved her and kept her on till the finals. Otherwise, I and the rest of this world probably would’ve never known of this hottie in the first place, and that would’ve been a major crime!
(Well, whaddya know, the rest of the world–except me–did know Adore way before she did RPDR, for she was on American Idol years ago. I say “except me” because I never watched that show. Got’dayum, he was so fine then, too.)
And now I shall leave you with a best-of compilation video of my newest crush object. If you hear something breaking tonight, it’s probably the sound of my bed, falling apart after me humping on my pillow hard because ‘DIS GURL. Yes, I would with her in drag, and I soooo would with him, even if he keeps saying “party” and “Libra” a hundred times. And if he says that shit too much, there’s always the ball gag for that, because Scorpio here.