Actually, those three things, and maybe a couple more topics will be the only things I’ll be writing about here. So, if you’re expecting slut hor talk on hot male athlete asses, well…stick around. I may just sneak in a bit of that in here. Because proud slut hor.
*The Weird: Stans*
As I’ve said before, I just cannot stan for any celebrity I adore. If they fuck up and piss me off, well, that’s what they did. Most of the ones I like have their absurd moments, to which I go to my moment of “shaking my head in disappointment and mutter ‘guuuuuuurrlll‘ (or ‘duuuuuuuude’)” and not watch/listen their works for a little while. Even the ones that can do no harm and end up twatting/Instawhoring something out irks me. (I see you, Steph Curry!) There really is no perfect celeb out there. However, that may change if I get famous. I know because everything I do will be fabulously perfect, even if you see me working out in stripper heels a la Coco. I will stan for myself if I ever become famous.
Encountering stans online is funny, especially when you go to the celeb gossip sites I bother to go to. I leave most of them alone (because getting on them would be a waste of my time), but I had one–actually make that two–recently get on me for bashing Tom Brady. Mind you, this site where this happened is a place that doesn’t have that many sports stories to begin with, and what I thought was a snarky post that no one wouldn’t get too riled up on (at least to those with a functioning brain) turned into some dumbass shit. One Brady fan called my post “wrong” and that Brady is “more liked by America” than Goodell. (For the record, my post did not favor the sides that hated and liked Brady, but was something–that I thought was–snarky about the hoopla surrounding the Brady/Deflate-gate case.) I responded to the idiot as simply and basic as possibly because dumb brains need these kinds of explanations. Unfortunately, another Brady/Pats stan jumped in. Their post was less offensive, but still eye-rolling; they lectured me on some shit called the “Ideal Gas Law.” They said that because of this law, Brady never cheated. (But does this “gas law” also apply to what he did with the woman he left for Gisele?) The biggest mistake out of both of these fools is that they thought I cared about football to begin with. Either way, having to deal with two Brady stans in a place I least expected had me all…
Then there are stans that are ruining some things for me. Particularly the ones who happen to like the same celebs as I do. At a site I frequent, there’s this one poster that really puts it on with her stanning of a certain male actor that so many others on this site (me included) adore. She even went as far as to saying she “personally knows” this actor. OK, but that’s no excuse for you trying to claim him as “your man” in your posts when others–me included–are looking at you weird.
*The Creepy: Stalkers*
Stalking plain sucks ass. I had that shit happen to me in real life, and I’ve recently been cyber-stalked. Then again, does it count as stalking if the stuff the stalker says about you happens to be untrue? I’ve gotten some messages here (yes, here; you don’t see them because I trashed them) and elsewhere saying they (there’s sadly more than one) knew me from some “message board” I once posted at. They even went as far as to saying what my nickname was on this message board. So I have to ask…
Look, I posted on waaaaayyy too many message boards back in the day, and I probably created different nicknames for each one of them. And since much has happened since those days when I wasted my life posting nonsense on boards that would become defunct five years later, I honestly don’t remember the shit I did on those boards, nor know what nickname I went by. So, forewarning: I will go crazier than Michael Myers to the next person that brings this stuff up in the next message I get here, or elsewhere. Stalking someone (online or in real life) who has absolutely no clue what you’re fucking talking about is as horrific as being proud to be a Kartrashian.
Since I was getting some of those messages here, I actually thought of shutting down this blog and moving on to a new blog/moniker. But no. I’ve had this baby for almost two years. And counting. Like I’m gonna let one monkey buttwipe (or five) stop my show here.
*The Downright Stupid*: Slimming Shirts
I can’t believe this shit is still around.
There’s a newer version & commercial of this product, and I think it goes by a different name now. But that such a product still exists is…actually not surprising. I live in a world where some people value their cell phones more over good sex, and where Kendull Jennertrashian is the face of Estee Lauder. A shirt that promises a slimmer silhouette (with no need to work out, might I add) to men shaped like walruses is the kind of artifact that belongs in these Idiocracy-happy times. On the other hand, it’s kind of refreshing to see some men get vain. And, regarding this corset for men, who knew that comments on YouTube would speak such golden truth?
I think I’ll save the hot male athlete asses post for another entry. Instead, I’d like to end things with this message:
And now, it is Miss Collins that has left us, while this world will still get two more movies based on that goddamn “book.” Rest in glamorous peace, Jackie. I know I got some books of yours around; I just have to open up all my moving boxes to find them. Though if I really want to honor her, I should doll myself up like an 1980s rich-bitch socialite and make love to some hunk, then kick his ass when he tries to backstab me. Yeah, that’s the ticket.