File this under the “Like, Duh” file: cell phones are omnipresent these days. It’s even in commercials where they’re not hawking cell phones, like something for Yellow Pages or Cialis (ahaha). They’re so everywhere, they’re starting to make air a bit jelly-filled.
That being said, file this under the “But It’s True, Y’Know” file: your cell phone is NOT that important. Yes, I know, you need it for communication, when you need to look up something, and when you’re bored. That’s all good. But there are some–not all, mind you, that take it to the next level. And to those, I have to ask: do you REALLY need to have it out in front of you whenever you take a walk? Is that text you’re expecting REALLY something worth checking your phone out every other second? Must every move of your current life ALWAYS be captured/chronicled via a selfie or update on your social media profile? Do you really need to have it out when you’re working? (I’m assuming your job isn’t Executive Texter/Cell Phone Game Player.) And is there a day…OK, an hour (no less) at least where you can put your phone down and just live in the moment?
The need to have the cell phone (and no way in hell will I call it a “smartphone” bwahahahahaha I have to laugh at calling something that crashes on me every now and then “smart”) at all times from some people is nothing short of fucking absurd. It’s gotten to where some people whip their shit out while they’re on the job. I know this because I’ve seen it happen both ways: when I see a cashier gazing at their phones while they’re checking me out (they really don’t pay those bitches enough), and at my own job. Mind you, I work at a spa. Yet, I see some therapists (yes, massage therapists) and receptionists walk through our hallway with their eyes glued to those brain-cell killers. It’s a good thing I’m slowly transitioning away from this place and into a new spa, but that I still have to deal with it–at a spa, might I remind you–for the time being has me going…
Also, people can’t go and enjoy things like a concert, a walk at the park, a sporting event, or life itself without those things in their faces now. Fuck, it’s all the more reason why I don’t go out as much as I use to. Because I know if I, say, walk around the mall, there’s gonna be some cell phone junkie bumping into me ’cause their eyes are glued to their shit. Is this not dumbass behavior? And it’s mandatory to question one’s life (and then electro-shock them a few times, just to set them straight) when they’d rather their cell phone over a night of good sex.
The cell phone’s pretty much a drug. Yeah, I said it. Of course, just because something’s a drug doesn’t make the thing automatically harmful; it’s how you use it that matters. For instance, a normal person would use aspirin according to its recommended dosage; a fool would OD on it. And while you can’t kill yourself ODing on your cell phone in normal circumstances, it’s all too dangerous when you got it out and you’re driving or operating machinery. Another thing that should be filed in the “Like, Duh” file, but there are those oh-so daring daredevils that will do that shit, anyway. Sure, your video selfie of you going 200 while getting chased by the cops may make an interesting YouTube video (even if the quality is as shoddy as your idea of doing that shit in the first place), but if you can remember Darwin’s Theory…and that big-rig you’re gonna run into there…
Call me getting old and giving a fuck a little more than I should, but I do die a little inside when I see these cell phone junkies in places where their act is just plain unnecessary. (And mind you, I’m of that age bracket where most of my kind are said junkies.) At work, or seeing others at work, for obvious reasons. In eateries, when there’s a group of, say, young girls with no communication (and no style I must add, with their frayed-up skinny jeans and clearance-bin press-ons–I know ’em when I see it, honey!) and all texting. At a lovely place like a seaside walkway, where reading about one’s Facebook update is more eye-catching than the scenery that surrounds them. (And then they take a picture of the sea with their phones, then post it to their Facebook, and say “I looooove walking by the sea! #sooogorgeous” Like the idiot bitch was admiring the sea in the first place.) It’s also side-eye-inducing to see couples glued to their phones instead of talking to one another. Talk about lame-ass date night. And don’t get me started when I see a handsome man with his girl, and both are on their damn phones instead of their lips on each other. The one time I actually don’t mind seeing some PDA. (When I see this shit, I tell myself that the guy probably has a tiny one, and I’m fine again.)
While stories on cell phone addiction keep coming, it seems like the habit is not being curbed so much as it’s being fueled, and in indirect ways. Look at how many commercials make cell phones a total necessity in modern life. As I said before, the ad doesn’t need to straight-up advertise cell phones or cell phone plans. You see ads for sodas, pizza, identity theft, cable companies, etc., showing people in ecstasy with their phones. There are ads for cell phone games now! Why bother seeing that one movie when you can immerse yourself in the fine art of Kandy Krush? And even if you’re gonna see that movie, you’ll most likely be surrounded by cell phone junkies, anyway. So PSAs tell me to stop smoking, but these commercials want me to keep on with my cell phone habit till the cows come home?!?
I’m not the biggest smoking enthusiast, and, yeah, I know the shit you get from smoking. But the image of someone blowing smoke while enjoying their nicotine stick looks more appealing than someone on their damn cell like a cheap wig on an amateur drag queen. (And, no, combining smoking and walking while texting won’t work.)
Oh, and to those reading this from your phone while walking and not caring who/what you walk into, shame on you. I’d rather you shove your phones up your sorry cell phone-addicted ass. And if you’re gonna do that, have another record that shit (not with a phone, OK–something that shoots great quality video) and then send the footage to me. That’s the only time I’ll find cell phone addiction amusing. Hell, it’s better than hearing of those girls who got ran over by a train because they wanted to get their phones off the tracks.