What, did you think some shit happened to me on New Year’s? I’m still around, dammit!
If you want to be in SF to watch the fireworks, by the way, but not around the Embarcadero where the other party-happy whores at at, give McCovey Cove by the ballpark a try. Not in front of the ballpark–though that sounds like a good place, too–but where the Willie McCovey statue is at. Arrive there before 11:30PM to get good, free parking around the place. (Yes! Free parking!) You’re far from the crowds, but you still get a good view of the fireworks. You’re not alone here, though, but the crowd is decently-sized and not unruly at all. I’ve watched the NYE fireworks from here a couple times (including this past NYE), and, because I’m getting older and more intolerant of crazy crowds, this is the place to be. (Maybe not the dream place in SF–that would be up on a rooftop in the Nob Hill neighborhood, enjoying the show with a busty brunette in one arm, and a tall, strapping hunk in the other, badly singing and forgetting to words to “Auld Lang Syne.”)
Any women out there turned off by bushy beards? Like, I’m-a-hipster-so-I’m-gonna-grow-this-beard-out-to-make-James-Harden-envious bushy. I cannot be the only one. That’s gotta suck for the girl who’s got a man with a bigger bush on his face than she does between her legs. And speaking of “between her legs,” do girls allow their semi-sasquatches to go down on them?
Yes, I know, Rashida. It’s disgusting. But I had to ask. It’s not as stupid as an entertainment “journalist” asking a two-bit starlet asking what she thinks of “feminism.”
A maximum salt moment in sports…
From here on out, I shall refer the Edmonton Oilers as the Edmonton Oil Spill. That’s no “oil leak” that’s going on with them, that’s a damn oil spill, right up there with Exxon Valdez and the New York Knicks. Holy hell, the Knicks.
And, once again, Boston takes away something that would have worked better (or at least looked nicer) in the Bay Area. So it looks like it will be another 10 or so years before a US city actually gets chosen to host the Olympics.
A little bit of my childhood perished unexpectedly with this news–and on New Year’s Day, of course. If my heart was still stuck in 1997, I’d be drowning in my own tears of heartbreak. But nope. See, other celebrities who say they’re gonna have a “secret” marriage? (Only for pics of it to be “leaked” by People magazine.) That is how you do it. Congrats to those two, and especially to JGL for wifing up a normal girl. Hope the trend of handsome, talented men hooking up with normal girls continues! So much for the pretty model girls wanting to hook up with a hot actor or athlete. Guess they’ll always have Leo DiCaprio…though I think they’re better off with some batteries. And some double-double burgers.
So much for starting the new year off on a good foot. Simpletons are still texting and walking at the same time, hashtags are still alive, and notable people dying here and there. And then there’s that horrific terrorist attack in Paris, France. What else is there to say after this? As someone who majored in Journalism back in college and wrote for my college newspaper, as well as an eternal lover of satirical humor, I’ll be holding up my pen in solidarity not just for those who lost their lives in the attack, but to support the should-be-universal right of free speech.