Nine of the most beautiful panty-creamers of the year.
As it is with the end of the year, scribes of all sorts come out with their reviews on the shit that went down in the past 12 months. The “Best of”, the “Worst of”, “Memorable Moments,” and “Lamest Ice Bucket Challenge video” (hint: ALL of them). I, too, am one of those predictable scribes. But put away your sad horn and hear me out. I originally was going to write a two-parter on this year in review, one of which was going to be a top-10 list tastefully titled “Idiots of the Year”. Then I thought two things. 1) This year, with the exception of a few things, sucked so damn much and had so many idiots that made the news that I’d have to expand it to a top-20 list with a lot of “dishonorable mentions.” And 2) Do I really want to waste any more of my time talking about these idiots? It’s bad enough that I can’t type the actual last name of one of them, so as to prevent self-infliction of an aneurism.
So you’re wondering about the title of this post. It’s a concept I
got inspired by respectfully jacked (I’m being honest here) from Fleshbot.com seven years ago. Then, Fleshbot wasn’t as in-your-face explicit in its content (or at least in their pictures, IIRC) as it is now. (Go ahead, check out their site now to see what I mean. Bring some tissue with you.) I started my own “Crush Objects of the Year” list in an old blog of mine in 2007, and, boy, I can’t believe how many porn girls I used to love. (Long story short: I had quite the interesting past, that will be explained in a future entry here.) Names like Flower Tucci, Jenna Haze, Brianna Love, and Tori Black still evoke warm, happy, prurient memories. But like Linda Evangelista’s hair color back in the 90s, tastes change. Porn girls have been replaced by sporty studs, but this year has seen a resurgence of affection for Hollywood hotties. Who’s numero uno? I will say that even I can’t believe it, for I didn’t expect my top crush to be a crush when this year started. Guess this proves that it’s not about who invades your dirty dreams first, but who does you the hardest and the most often in your dirty dreams.
And if you’re also wondering, subtlety, when it comes to my crush objects, is not my biggest strength. Now take that jump!