Dear Hackers of “The Sony” (LOLOL you guys calling it “The Sony”),
Should I even say “thanks” to you “threatening” bitches? (See what I did there? You don’t really scare us!) You come out of nowhere a couple weeks ago, first bringing us revealing emails about how a Hollywood producer called Angelina Jolie a “minimally-talented spoiled brat”, then more emails on how George Clooney got the sads after reading bad reviews of some upcoming movie of his. Of course, the pièce de résistance of your hack job is, after all ‘dem threats you directed to Sony, the cancelation of The Interview movie, and maybe for that I should thank you. After all, sparing the public from another
display of their never-ending bromance flick with Seth Rogen and James Franco is a duty highly improbable in these times of mediocre entertainment being green-lighted and hyped to no ends.
But I say should in that way because, hell, you fuck hackers may very well be an elaborate, attention-seeking ruse of Seth Rogen and James Franco, or maybe some 16-year-old loner geek living in a basement in Ohio just being a dick, and that this hack news is the most hardcore jerking-off of the public that would make the talented hands of Jenna Haze jealous. And if so, we don’t need to wait till April to get totally fooled. It’s happening to us right now. And for that, I say…
Now, if you guys are truly evil, threatening hackers from North Korea targeting Hollywood, can you do me (and many others) a favor and get on the studios that are going to release that godawful, flop-in-the-making “50 Shades of
Pure Fucking Garbage Grey” movie? It’s bad enough that the “books” have brainwashed many undersexed mee-maws and vapid sheep out there who now can’t tell the difference between real BDSM and a dream lover from nonconsensual abuse and a psychopath eternally on the rag who, if presented in another book with an actual brain, would be locked up in jail. I beg you hackers! Use your threatening powers to stop the studios from subjecting the public to another form of this visual definition of “nonsensical atrociousness” masked as “erotic romance.” (And while you’re at it, go and threaten the “writer” of those “books” to never write a single thing again. Even her name, ’cause that’s how much she sucks.)
K Thx Bye,
Miss Dee Lauren