(Rally pumpkin! Yeah, it’s the best I could do to show Giants support there. But let me see you carve those words there. And do that under 10 minutes.)
After the hot mess that I saw in the middle of the Giants’ regular season, I thought the postseason–once a no-question possibility earlier this season when they led the NL West–was something to not worry about anymore. Because that was quite a hot mess they got themselves into. I remember hearing them go 7-20 (?) in one stinker of a stretch. Then they do well enough to get a wild card spot. Then they start kicking ass. And then–and only then–do I look at the calendar. Oh, it’s an even year this year. I think I may know what’s gonna happen this postseason.
I still fear those Royals, dammit. Don’t care if it’s an ever year this year or if they got a Sports Illustrated cover earlier this year and thus may succumb to that damned SI Cover Jinx in the end (and at an opportune time, might I add–if the jinx is really real). But still. The orange-and-black have made it this far now, after some once thought that they wouldn’t even go to the postseason this year.
So they have to do it.
(And by “do it”, I don’t mean lust-filled sexual intercourse, imbecile. I mean win the World Series. Then have lust-filled sexual intercourse with whomever they please, in any orifice they want.)
Do it for the franchise, where one more WS trophy never hurts, especially, even after winning two in the past five years, after all those times–hell, those decades–when they either came so close to winning one or couldn’t even make it to the dance.
Do it to tell FOX sports, MLB network, and the rest of the media (at least the idiots outside the Bay Area) lining up to fellate the Royals to “kiss my World Series winning ass” once again. Two times in the past five years you got the chance to tell ‘dem all who pegged you as underdogs and said you won’t make it past all the teams you beat down. A third time would rule even more.
Do it to earn first rings for, among others who never been to the World Series before, Tim Hudson, who waited 16 years of his career for this moment, and Michael Morse, because a WS ring on his finger will fully complete his sexiness.
Do it for the city of San Francisco, and those buildings and monuments that glow orange in your honor. Even the SFO airport is all orange.
Do it for Robin Williams. Because.
Do it to uphold all those cool sports factoids that happen to play in your favor, such as the one at the end of the article here, and the second fact off to the side of this article here. As well as channeling your inner 2012 LA Kings (the last championship-winning team of any sport to not have home-court advantage in all the rounds they played, playing against teams with better records and still win it all in the end). And the yet-to-be reported fact that, in the past five years where you have knocked out the reigning NL champs, you went on to win the World Series. (2010 against the Phillies, who won the NL pennant in ’09, and 2012 against the Cardinals, who won the NL pennant–and World Series–in ’11.)
Do it to rub it in the face of ‘dem Dodgers. You know, those 2014 NL West champs, because that’s all they have.
Do it because the Royals wear blue, too. Pretty much the same shade of blue the Dodgers wear. Like a bull seeing red…
Do it because phone selfies and taking pictures with your cell phone look stupid now. (I know this has nothing to do with the Giants; I needed this moment to vent on this shit. Get a real camera, cell phone slaves.)
Do it because come next year, if you do win it all, and you have that game where all the players get their rings beforehand, I will finally have my chance to take great pictures of that event. (I was at their ring ceremony in 2013, but I had the misfortune to lose my good camera at the park. My camera was never found, but I like to think that whomever got it and never reported it has gotten their dose of karma by losing my camera themselves. And the cycle continues…)
Do it…and try to do it in five games. I got a birthday vacation I’ll be taking in a week. Game 5 is next Sunday–assuming you need a Game 5. The last thing I want to worry about is you guys while trying to enjoy my birthday vacation.
Do it because I still have hopes that if they do win it all, the entire team will be doing this victory twerk on the field…
(If only we had 2010 Timmy this year, with his 2011 bubble butt-booty, then his twerk would be one for the ages.)
Do it because I HAVE TO see if Madison Bumgarner can chug seven beers at the same time.
Do it because I want to see what this site will come up with if the Giants win the whole damn thing.
Do it to give Bud Selig the proper send-off (LOL).
Do it because that pumpkin up there said so.
And do it because…if you don’t, you’ll make me look like a total ass with this entry. And THAT is even worse than you losing the World Series.
Do it, Giants.