Well, stop the presses. Looks like parts of the publication world must have taken my rant on why today’s magazines blow chunks into consideration, as I am noticing some actually decent covers for this month. I know I couldn’t get every single mag on board (because not everyone had the good fortune to stumble upon my blog), and I have a feeling things will return to the typical state of suck for July. But these five covers for June (and one for July–odd to release a magazine for a month that’s well over 30 days before the actual month) are a step in the right direction.
*US Elle magazine June 2014 – Angelina Jolie*
I have the inkling that Angie chose to exclusively pose for Elle as opposed to the supposed “big-gun” names like Vogue (hahaha) or Vanity Fair because she knows that shit’s going down at le house de Conde Nast (probably because of this), and decided to take her talents to a more reputable fashion magazine. If that’s the case, good for her, and a bigger good for Elle, who’s probably sticking it to Vogue by snagging the most famous actress/celebrity in Hollywood for their cover. (Bonus points for not throwing up a silly numerical figure in big print on the cover like almost all the other fashion mags…but their March 2014 cover–and them hyping up something related to the worst “erotic” book ever–still doesn’t get them in the clear.) But I gotta remark on one thing: what the hell is that on the lower left hand corner there? Is that her leg there?!?! They airbrushed the rest of her, but not that part? Guess that’s what the UPC code box is for then.
*Allure magazine June 2014 – Amber Valetta*
A model? Smiling brightly on the cover?
How remarkable that well over 20 years after her start in modeling, Amber still looks stunning. And you know she’s a true supermodel when she still continues to grace magazine covers 20-plus years after her start. Hopefully, I’ll get to see her and her old supermodel bestie Shalom Harlow, together on a mag cover again like the good ol’ days.
*Self magazine June 2014 – Alessandra Ambrosio*
This shot could easily be a cover for US Vogue. Unfortunately, a bowl-haired incessant hag who would rather bow down to the scum of the earth and become it in the process runs (for the time being) that magazine, and thus Self gets this luck of the draw. (Gee, since when did they change the look of their masthead? It’s quite 80s, isn’t it?) Alessandra is a stunner, and her carefree mien is enough to draw you away from the heinous cliched cover lines. And you know she’s a true supermodel as well when she can get her figure to bounce back after a baby, and still look great and fit as she did before it. Here’s hoping I see more of her (on her own) on the newsstands.
*Entertainment Weekly June 6, 2014 – Jessica Alba*
Since when did EW come out with their own swimsuit issue? No matter what the hell she says in her otherwise “um…OK” interview inside, I’ll always have a a soft spot for J-Alba–she and I go back to her “Dark Angel” days. I will say that she makes a helluva better cover model for Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue than almost all of the ones I bothered to glimpse at for the past ten years. For a momma of two, Jessica’s got quite the better bod than those three stick figures on SI’s 50th anniversary issue cover. Hell, she has more of a backside than Kate “Give My Ass More Attention!” Upton. (Although I would have preferred to see her in a high-cut bottom instead of what she has on here. Then she would truly be “kind of a prude.”)
*Spanish Vogue magazine June 2014 – Cristiano Ronaldo and Irina Shayk*
The very main reason I don’t hate on the Vogue brand altogether, despite what the US edition has done recently? Their international editions. Particularly the European ones. They not only do just Vogue covers right, but fashion magazine covers right as well. This is proof. Naked man, clothed woman…(one of my favorite fetishes, by the way.) What more do you need? At least she’s wearing the clothes and he’s not, unlike so many US mag covers in general! The Euro style mags don’t care so much about celebrity (although these two here are quite famous in their own right), or magazine sales, or trying to make their covers seem “safe” and cookie-cutter homogenized, which all the more makes them so great. Perhaps the US publications need to take cue from their European counterparts, who love to play dare while still staying truth to their fashion roots.
I also must say, that’s plenty of boobage on the cover.
*UK Vogue July 2014 – Christy Turlington*
Yes! The perpetual beauty of Christy on the cover has sold me. Maybe not entirely earn my seal of approval–I know she’s now 45 and still rocking, but must she now be relegated to “age-themed” issues? I will given them points for them not airbrushing her to hell and back. And even if I find it dubious that a July issue is being released in late May, at least us admirers of Christy don’t have to wait till end of June (when all the other July covers get released) to enjoy her splendor.
*edited 6/8/14 ’cause I left a good cover out*