Have you noticed how often the word “awesome” gets mentioned on a daily basis? Not just spoken, but written or featured here and there…and almost everywhere. It’s like today’s lingo is a frat house of fickle, horny boys, and “awesome” is their pretty plaything of the moment. Granted, that word has been around for decades, but more than ever do I hear and see that word being used. Even in places I don’t expect: at the spa where I work, I’ve had a few people recently say I have “awesome” pressure when I massaged them. And while I can’t say that word is as annoying as the phrase “hashtag” (and that sound you just heard is me throwing old china at the wall in anger for typing that word out), for every use of that word to describe something that doesn’t even live up to its description, it is nearing levels of pure annoyance to where I think I need to buy more china from the thrift store.
For instance, because I’ve been sleep-deprived the past few days, I ran a search on if sleep is overrated. I first clicked on a site called “Renegade Health: Live Healthy, Live Awesome.” Their article was about debunking the 8-hour sleep “myth”, but I only stayed on their page for a couple seconds before leaving in a bit of disgust. Because that word was there. Something about that site’s tagline sounded quite gimmicky, and I didn’t bother reading their article. If anything, the way some people use the word “awesome” these days is pretty gimmicky. Eat this awesome burger! (Even if it’s got 60 grams of fat and 200 grams of cholesterol, but at least it’s at an “awesome” price of $2.99!) Get this awesome smartphone! (Even if it’s just like all the other cell phones that will turn you into a cell phone slave.) You even have cheap-ass t-shirts with shit like “I Am Awesome!” or “Awesome Is This” printed on the front. (Hahaha, shut your front door, attention whore.) Lest we forget all those lame internet memes with that word in them, from those eyesore “Keep Calm” posters to nut-fuck pretentiousness like this:
And so someone, an anonymous internet tramp with no original bone in their body, still maintains that “everything is awesome.” Well, if everything was actually awesome…
–You and I would not be bitching about anything. I wouldn’t be grumpy at all, and this post would instead be about happy sunshine and rabbits humping in the flower fields under a smiling rainbow, as opposed to me lashing out on those describing something that just fucking is not! It’s almost like that other word, “epic.” (There’s that sound of china being broken again.)
–This nation would have politicians who know what the hell they’re doing, not flip-flopping and working in the best interests of the greedy, rich bitches they’re heinously associated with, and instead working to help better this nation. You know, like (to name a few suggestions) providing universal health care for all, making college education affordable and low-cost to all (funded by the high tax rates of the wealthy), ending all wars and not trying to get into another, meaningless one, raising minimum wage to a reasonable amount that someone can live off of, and outlawing all laws that discriminate, such as bans on gay marriage.
–Society would value those with smarts, skill, substance, and a touch of graciousness, over those with all the hype and nothing more to back it up. People would look up to doctors, teachers, scientists, public servants (that act in the best of interests), entertainers and artists who can sing/act/write and prefer to hone their skills and keep their lives private instead of whore themselves to the spotlight while their movie/album/book bombs. We would actually know the name of our mayor by heart as opposed to that talentless attention whore on the tabloids.
–There would be no such thing as “tabloid culture” like there is today. No-talent fame & money whores (and their family members) would not be in the spotlight (thus people not knowing of them in the first place), entertainment news outlets would report on the upcoming projects of actual talented entertainers and NOT what so-and-so celebrity is doing at the moment or who they’re dating, and the only “reality shows” on TV would be the local news. And “Cops” and “The Voice,” because they’re the only cool ones on TV.
–Misogyny and excessive absurdity & violence would not be glorified in our arts and entertainment. All would be gone: so-called music with lyrics denouncing women and hyping rape, movies with excessive fart jokes, stereotypes, and near-naked women masking the otherwise lightweight plot that some Hollywood idiot had the nerve to green-light in the first place, commercials with stereotypical, sexist, and mindless bullshit (like crap where guys eat hearty food and girls only get salads & Special K cereal, girls in bikinis fawning over clothed guys wearing nerd glasses–you can’t get any more bullshitty than that–and anything from McDonalds, Carl’s Jr., and KFC), and so-called “books” showcasing a lovelorn, spineless female submitting to the draconic whims of her psychotic male “lover” and calling it “a love story.”
–People would not be so dependent on technology. They would not use their devices to the point where it is stifling their actual lives, and turning their own lives to revolve around their gadget. People would walk and admire their surroundings, and NOT walk with their cell phones in front of their faces. People would enjoy the company of the person with them at all times, and NOT be so goddamned preoccupied with their cell phones. And the concept of a “self-driving car” would be just a two-second thought, blissfully dissipating into thin air. (Could you believe that such nonsense like a self-driving car is actually coming to form? Puh-lease, bitch. Give me a car that can keep a full tank of gas from the Bay Area to LA instead.)
–This (#) would be known as the pound sign. Not by that one word that makes many look insipid. And it would not be attached to words or inane phrases conjured up by those who can’t think for themselves; it would just be another symbol on the phone.
–Ignorance to importance and mediocrity would not and never be tolerated, much less celebrated.
–Women would be comfortable in their own skin, never pressured to conform to what’s the beauty ideal. (Since there would be none hyped up in today’s media/society.) No anglicizing of the ethnic and no shaming of the out-of-shape. (No need to worry about if the out-of-shape wears something so horribly unflattering, because those kinds of women would know better than to wear what makes them look like cheap ratchets. Speaking of clothes…)
–Leggings would NOT be worn in public as everyday wear. Skinny pants would also not exist. (Hey, this is my kind of awesome, OK, Forever 21 devotee?) And high-cut bikini bottoms and lingerie panties would be back in style.
–The Penguins and the Sharks would, right now, still be in the playoffs, one win away from the Stanley Cup Finals, making my bracket look smart. And the Miami Heat would be whatever right now, because LeBron never went there, and is not considered an insufferable, pompous douchebag by me, as he stayed in Cleveland, and is currently leading his team to another victory in the Conference Finals. And the NBA, like the NHL, is on NBC.
At the risk of preaching my many commandments of my dream world, I think I’ll cut it here, even though I actually got more to this list. If you look at it, the word “awesome” seems like a front to mask the obvious dreariness of things, whether it’s a mediocre movie, or life itself. So the next time you’re biting into a delicious cookie, unless if it’s got the finest ganja or actual 24-carat gold nuggets baked into it, don’t overhype it all by calling it “awesome.” It’s just a delicious cookie, OK?