Things I hate at the moment…
—Flip-floppers: you know the type. The ones that say they hate or like something, then turn around in their message after. From bloggers who bash Twitter but happen to have a Twitter account themselves and say at the end of their piece “eh, Twitter’s not all that bad”, or has-beens like Kelly Osbourne who bashes Lady Gaga in interviews then poses for pictures with her at parties, they are pure hypocrisy in action. How these fools look at themselves without feeling even some remorse over their actions is beyond me. (If you, say, hate hashtags, stick with your message, and not do some bullshit like this flip-flopper who “lashes” out at them and then uses it at the very end.) Having known some people like these in real life (yet no longer associated with them), their flip-flopping is nothing short of grating to my psyche. So much for staying true to themselves for these jokes. Some even have preached “stay true to yourself” to others, then flip-flop after. I do my best to stay linear in my beliefs, so if you see me flip-flop around here, feel free to seek me out in public and kick my ass. ‘Cause that’s what all flip-floppers deserve.
—Clone-dressers: if dressing alike is a cardinal sin in fashion, then why are so many, ahem, “stylish” women are dressing the goddamn same? Same long, tunic top or layered tops, skinny pants with boots over them. Even the hairdos on some of them are looking alike. It’s one thing for women to dress alike in good fashion aka fashion that flatters your figure and doesn’t make you look exactly like the same three girls near you. But, geez, how many more chicks in baggy tops and stupid skinny pants with the boots over them must I encounter before I truly consider becoming a hermit? Hey ladies, have you ever heard of some originality?
—99.9% of commercials: I pretty much avoid them when a commercial break on a show I’m watching comes on. But of the ones I unfortunately caught a glimpse at…wow. Just awful. There’s that one for KFC and their incessant use of the tech slave’s favorite symbol aka the hashtag. Not just in their commercials, but on their boxes they serve their chicken in, too? Even their new slogan is moronic. You wanna know how I KFC? With a “fuck you” and a middle finger to their ads. Then there’s another, of what I’m not sure and don’t want to know, where I see all these people walking around with their cell phones in their faces. Now I’m not sure what the rest of this commercial had–hopefully with all these cell phone slaves falling off a cliff, and maybe it was a PSA advertising us to stop being so goddamn cell phone dependent. But either way, just putting this in a commercial is the reason why the trend of idiots walking with their cell phones in their faces shamefully continue! It’s ads like these that make me happy for my DVD player.
If you’re wondering what that .1% of commercials are, it’s those cool ads for the SF Giants (on Comcast SportsNet Bay Area), and the NHL spots that have a couple seconds of Sidney Crosby in them. They’re always good.
—LeBron James: I refuse to give that overhype props. I used to. And my bitterness did not really stem from when he chose Miami over Cleveland four years ago, but how he acted after it all, flexing his muscles and boasting his new team would win all these championships. Now that hag is hawking McDonalds? No matter how much more money he makes, attention he gets, points he scores, and championships he
cheats the league out of wins, I will not kiss his ass. So suck on that, BSPN.
—that pop-up on the NHL Network that shows the Twitter handle of their broadcasters: those who watch “NHL Tonight” on the NHL Network would know this. For me, that shit reminds me of an internet pop-up ad, except, in this case, I can’t take it out. Hey, NHL Network, I don’t care about the Twitter handles of your broadcasters, OK? Nor do I like being reminded that Twitter is still, ugh, relevant to this day. You may have stopped using Lady Gaga’s “Applause” song in parts of your segment (why you used her godawful music–which is not even hockey music to begin with–in the first place is beyond me, though I suspect some, ahem, payola was involved), but you still got that shit going.
—obvious liars: Just like flip-floppers, except they say something about themselves when it’s obvious that they aren’t what they’ve said. Like, really large girls saying they’re, oh, a “size 8” when it’s obvious that they aren’t! And those wearing–help me–fake nerd glasses. They’re both liars and fakers, not to mention slaves to shitty trends that shouldn’t be a trend in the first place. (Hey fakers: do you guys fake your orgasms, too?) I said it before and I’ll say it again: if you wanna look smart, act smart, not look stupid and fake. And to those who dare lie about their dress size, better do it in front of a blind person.
—Tim Lincecum’s new look: for those who retch easily over wannabe nerds with horrible facial hair, don’t click on this link here. It was tough for me to look this up, so thank me on your knees for doing the grunt work for you. Goddammit. I used to dig this boy hard. You know how he used to look four years ago?
That was a look that made me wanna make babies with him. Now his new look is birth control. Hey Timmy, grow that hair out from your head instead of your face, ditch the stupid fake glasses (you ain’t fooling anyone), get back to endorsing Reebok, and maybe you’ll be pitching like it’s 2010 again.
Yeah, I’m shallow with my men. So sue me.
Ah, but there’s one thing I hate so much right now that actually trumps all this shit. You’ll hear about it…in my next entry.