In honor of the start of baseball season (woooooo), here are some songs I’d use for walk-up music if I was a baseball player.
*Nine Inch Nails – “March of the Pigs”*
Have I ever heard of a more commanding opening that just grabs you by the balls? The drums! The bass! Trent fuckin’ Reznor! This track would be great if I were a pitcher, since their walk-up music gets played longer (for warm-ups, I believe). Because then, the stadium can play the song in its entirety. It’s only under three minutes. And when this song gets played, every single person (including my teammates, the coaches, the manager, and even the mascot) in the ball park must be head-banging. Even the 90-year-olds. Unless you have a neck issue, you have to do it when I take the plate, dammit. Or else I’ll suck at my game. And you don’t want me to cost you the game, do you?
Imagine this, plus 40,000+ people at a ballpark doing this. (By the way, I and the ballpark will not be liable whatsoever in cases of whiplash or neck/head issues.)
*Motorhead – “Mean Machine”*
Another rockin’ song with a vicious intro. The head-banging rule also applies here. Maybe I should also have some moshing going on in the stands. I can have a designated mosh pit in the seats–at the field club level; I don’t want anyone moshing then falling from the upper deck.
*Onyx – “Slam”*
This is just a fun, go-get ’em song. This would mean more if I get all the ballpark attendees wearing knit caps and baggy jeans. Kickin’ it, 1993 gangsta rap-style. Also makes a good at-bat song. (Off-topic, this track alone makes that Jabba-the-Hut come-lately Rick Ross look like a total pussy. It has to be said.)
*Ice Cube – “Friday”*
Works only on Friday games.
*Prodigy – “Spitfire”*
I would go with Prodigy’s “Firestarter”, but that would be the easy route. Again, the intro to this song is key; anything that starts off with major command is always a good song. A track more suitable for a pitcher/closer than for a batter. Also a better song for the night, as ravers can bring in their glow sticks to the ballpark and rock ’em.
*Bikini Kill – “Rebel Girl”*
A song great for women’s baseball. This version, as opposed to the other version found on the band’s “Pussy Whipped” album, is better, at least for the ballpark. That Kesha garbage some players today play for their walk-up songs got nothing on Bikini Kill!
*My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult – “Hot Blood Rising”*
Again, another great song with a blazing intro. Thank the movie “BASEketball” for introducing me to this song. If you watch the movie, this particular song is played to a scene featuring “cheerleaders” stripping down to tank tops and short-shorts, shaking their boobs around. If only baseball had cheerleaders. It’s OK, though; the cleat-chasers, er…excuse me, “gamer babes” can rock their racks to this. Which is fine with me because I love girls, too.
Girlie’s got the spirit. (Hey, it’s either this, or that stupid dance A’s fans do. I know “retarded” is a touchy word to use in these times of political correctness, but that dumbass dance their fans do–I don’t know the name of it, and I’m not going to burn my eyes in finding a GIF of it–is truly retarded, in the purest form.)
And one more thing…
Go Giants. Except for Timmy’s mustache. It blows chunks.